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Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Overall rating 1/10

I made up a rule very early in this project: don’t question Friday the 13th films. That way lays madness. Every time something completely stupid or nonsensical would happen in one of these movies I would start to say, “Why did. . .” and then stop myself and say, “Never mind, I forgot the rule.” I mention this now because stopping myself from questioning the plot holes and complete ridiculousness of Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan nearly caused me to have a seizure. Seriously, this is one of those movies that is so stupid that while watching it you can actually feel yourself getting dumber. Like, because I watched this movie I can no longer remember the presidents of the 1840’s. (I’m obviously exaggerating – I could never forget you, James K. Polk.)

The majority of this movie takes place on a boat. I guess the boat is leaving Crystal Lake. I don’t know. The point – in as much as there is a point – is that Jason Voorhees gets on a boat full of teenagers that is bound for New York City. The boat is insane. It has a huge boiler room, a boxing ring, a disco, a sauna, skeet shooting, a room of weapons, and an admiral. After about an hour and a dozen deaths the survivors, two teachers and three students, make it to Manhattan with Jason right behind them (somehow).

This movie has a super negative, and fairly comical, view of New York City. Even Time Square in the late 1980’s wasn’t this bad. And where the hell are all these trash strewn allies they are constantly running down? One, maybe even two, I would be willing to believe but as far as I can tell Friday the 13th’s Manhattan is a maze of allies full of garbage, abandoned docks, sewers, and Time Square.

There is a point when a movie is so bad that it becomes good again, that laughing at it makes it enjoyable. There were points when I thought Jason Takes Manhattan might cross that line but in the end it was really just an hour and half, and 18 deaths, worth of horrible. This film has a lot of blood but its all splatter and no gore and there aren’t a lot of special effects. There are a few minority characters, one Asian girl, a black guy who lives almost to the end, and a few really awful racial stereotype gang bangers in New York who try to gang rape the final girl. Oh, they also forcibly inject her with heroin. Because junkie rapist kidnapping robbers like to share their drugs with their victims.

And that brings us the worst ending in the history of slasher films. The final girl and boy end up (somehow) running from Jason in the sewers. They are warned that every night at a certain time the sewers of New York are flooded with toxic waste (just go with it). They, of course get trapped down there by Jason. They manage to avoid it but he gets caught in the deluge which turns him back into a little boy. They leave him there. The end. Queue the seizure.

Continue reading for a list of victims and final girl.

VICTIMS

Victim 1: Boat guy

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:26

Method used: Stabbed with wrench

Point of view: Third

Victim 2: Boat girl

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Female

Length of death: 0:05

Method used: Stabbed with harpoon

Point of view: Mixed first and third

Victim 3: Rocker chick

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Female

Length of death: 0:01

Method used: Bashed with guitar

Point of view: Mixed first and third

Victim 4: White boxer

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:12

Method used: Stabbed with a hot rock

Point of view: Third

Victim 5: Bitchy girl

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Female

Length of death: 0:44

Method used: Stabbed with mirror shard

Point of view: Third

Victim 6: Boat Captain

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:12

Method used: Stabbed with harpoon

Point of view: Third

Victim 7: Admiral

Age: Old

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:06

Method used: Throat cut

Point of view: Third

Victim 8: Asian girl

Age: Teenager

Race: Asian

Gender: Female

Length of death: 0:32

Method used: Strangled

Point of view: Third

Victim 9: Film nerd

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:15

Method used: Thrown onto power cables

Point of view: Third

Victim 10: Purple shirt

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:03

Method used: Falls to death

Point of view: Third

Victim 11: Deck hand (you’re all doomed)

Age: Adult

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: Off-screen

Method used: Axe to back

Point of view: Third

Victim 12: Gang banger I

Age: Teenager

Race: Asian

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:15

Method used: Stabbed though chest with syringe

Point of view: Third

Victim 13: Gang banger II

Age: Teenager

Race: Hispanic

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:10

Method used: Head bashed

Point of view: Third

Victim 14: Black boxer

Age: Teenager

Race: Black

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:03

Method used: Head punched off

Point of view: Third

Victim 15: Cop

Age: Adult

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:07

Method used: Grappled

Point of view: Third

Victim 16: Nice teacher

Age: Adult

Race: White

Gender: Female

Length of death: 0:06

Method used: Exploded in car

Point of view: Third

Victim 17: Jerky teacher

Age: Adult

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:30

Method used: Drowned in a barrel of toxic waste

Point of view: Third

Victim 18: Sewer worker

Age: Adult

Race: White

Gender: Male

Length of death: 0:08

Method used: Head bashed in

FINAL GIRL

Final girl: Renny and boyfriend

Age: Teenager

Race: White

Gender: Female and male

Length of final girl scene: 8 minutes

About Final Girls

Slasher movies and Batman

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