Overall rating 3/10
Halloween 6: the Curse of Michael Myers gets a full extra point for starring a young Paul Rudd. Young Paul Rudd is super hot and I want to lick his face. Plus, knowing his movies now, you kind of get the feeling that the whole thing is supposed to be a joke. A horrible joke, to be sure, but a joke nonetheless. His character is supposed to be a grown up version of Tommy Doyle the little kid Jamie Lee Curtis babysits in the first film. I’m pretty sure that would make Paul Rudd 30 in this film which is actually almost right, he was 26, but I’m so used to them casting twenty-somethings as teenagers that it seems weird.
The film picks up 10 years or so after the last one. Jamie, now a teenager, gives birth to a son while a prisoner of a cult that worships Michael Myers. They are possibly Satanic and all have the tattoos Michael and the man in black had in the previous installment. Don’t worry if this doesn’t make any sense to you, as far as I can tell Michael Myers murdered logic somewhere in Halloween 4 and the series has been running on Donald Pleasence’s presumably high mortgage payment and the idea that the franchise needed to become needlessly complicated. Neither of these factors are the basis of a good slasher film.
This movie makes no logical sense, is boring and is scored by really bad, loud, overblown synth music. There’s some stuff about a baby in here but at this point who really cares? There is a lot of blood splatter but no real gore. The is one non-white person in this movie, an Asian nurse who has, like, one line. There is a fair amount of death, 14 people die, but that seems kind of low for what we’ve seen lately. There is the nice addition of a “you’re all doomed” lady who we met at a mental institution (at least I think it was a mental institution – by this point I had kind of stopped paying attention). Anyway, she says, “how does it feel to be damned?” And I thought, “I bet it feels a lot like having to watch Halloween 6: the Curse of Michael Myers.”
Continue reading for list of victims and final girl.
VICTIMS
Victim 1: Blonde nurse
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: 0:13
Method used: Impaled on spike
Point of view: Third
Victim 2: Poncho dude
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: Male
Length of death: 0:04
Method used: Neck snapped
Point of view: Third
Victim 3: Jamie
Age: Teenager
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: 1:04
Method used: Impaled on something
Point of view: Third
Victim 4: Shoes mom
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: 0:02
Method used: Axed
Point of view: Third
Victim 6: Shock jock
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: 0:10
Method used: Stabbed
Point of view: Third
Victim 7: Brother
Age: Teenager
Race: White
Gender: Male
Length of death: 0:10
Method used: Throat slit
Point of view: Third
Victim 8: Brother’s girlfriend
Age: Teenager
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: 0:16
Method used: Stabbed with knife
Point of view: Third
Victim 9: You’re all doomed lady
Age: Old
Race: White
Gender: Female
Length of death: Off-screen
Method used: Stabbed probably
Point of view: N/A
Victim 10-13: Hospital workers
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: 2xfemale, 2xmale
Length of death: Awhile
Method used: Mostly stabbing
Point of view: Third
Victim 14: Orderly
Age: Adult
Race: White
Gender: Male
Length of death: 0:10
Method used: Face bashed into wall
Point of view: Third
FINAL GIRL
Final girl: Paul Rudd, Kara, some kid, and a baby
Age: Most of them
Race: White
Gender: Both
Length of final girl scene: 6 minutes
Final Girls 